BuzzFeedYellow turns the table and shares why the queer community is tired of such basic assumptions.
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don't ask inappropriate or invasive questions |
Privacy is a right everyone deserves. Just because you learn something about a person's history doesn't make it an invite to ask questions. Yes, people are curious but that doesn't justify asking strangers invasive questions, especially if they happen to be trans. Before asking reflect on how close you are to that person and how you would react to being asked the same thing.
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respect names and pronounsMany trans individuals adopt new names and ask that people use pronouns appropriate for their own gender. Sometimes, this is just a shift from male pronouns to female pronouns or vice verse. Other times, they may ask you to use gender neutral pronouns such they, them and their in the singular sense or pronouns which is are usually unfamiliar such as ze, zie and hir. Refusing to use their desired name or pronouns just invalidates their experience and slips ups are okay and anticipated by most trans people during initial transition but shouldn't become an unnecessarily big deal for the speaker.
Below is a guide to using alternative pronouns properly. |
If someone comes out to you |
Coming out is a HUGE personal decision. Often times it a decision reached after long prtsona debate and requires courage on behalf of the individuals coming out. After coming out an individual may feel vulnerable and anticipate prejudice or discrimination. It is important to communicate support and acceptance of LGBTQIA individuals.
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If someone isn't outDo NOT out them to others. Sometimes, someone just isn't ready to come out or is planning to come out in their own way. Some individuals in the trans community would rather remain "stealth" then share their history with everyone. It doesn't mean they are ashamed of themselves. It's just a personal choice. Unfortunately, for transgender individuals it may be more of a safety precaution. Regardless, no one is obligated to be out.
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Become aware of microagrressions |
"Microaggressions are the everyday encounters of subtle discrimination that people of various marginalized groups experience throughout their lives (Sue et al., 2007). Some microaggressions are unconscious (i.e., the perpetrator doesn’t even know they did something) while some microaggressions may be unintentional (i.e., the perpetrator may be aware of their actions, but may not realize the negative impact they may have on people)."
-Kevin L. Nadal, PhD. Associate Professor of Psychology at CUNY John Jay College
-Kevin L. Nadal, PhD. Associate Professor of Psychology at CUNY John Jay College
Many microaggressions occur through everyday language and speech.
- These include phrases like "that's gay" and "no homo" which are actually heterosexist remarks.
- Similar phrases containing transphobic language, e.g. tranny, he-she etc. are also common microaggressions. Cissexist language includes language that marginalizes or erases the existence of transgender people.
- Language that implicitly endorses heteronormative culture, such as questions like "When are you going to get married to a (insert opposite sex) and have kids?" or "Why don't you wear ____ like other boys/girls?" are also microaggressions.
- Assuming a universal experience for anyone in the LGBTQIA community, e.g. believing all gay people know each
- Even worse, assuming pathology or sexual deviance
- Making jokes at the expense of any LGBTQIA person & perpetuating false stereotypes, e.g. talking with a "gay lisp" for laughs
- Asking what someone's "real" name is or what they "really" are, also transphobic language. On the flip side, asking a bi person if they are really "gay or straight." Also, accusing someone of just being _____ for attention.
- Deliberately misgendering peopple
- ALL of these behaviors invalidate the experience of real people.
references
BuzzFeedYellow. (2015, April 10). 9 Questions gay people have for straight people. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=th_BRV-tUl4
Heffernan, D. (2015, November 14). GLAAD launches trans microaggressions photo project #transwk. Retrieved from http://www.glaad.org/blog/glaad-launches-trans-microaggressions-photo-project-transwk
John Oliver Tonight. (2015, June 29). Last week tonight with john oliver transgender rights HBO. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuvg3j_D6zA
Labelle, S. (2015, January 5). Assigned male: Calling a trans person by their birth name. Retrieved from http://assignedmale.tumblr.com/post/107198250867/trans-people-shouldnt-have-to-get-over-being
Middlebury College. (n.d.) FAQ: Gender Pronouns. Retrieved from http://www.middlebury.edu/studentlife/diversity/preferredname/pronounsfaq
Nadal, K., PhD. (2014, February 7). Stop saying “that’s so gay!”: 6 types of microaggressions that harm LGBTQ people. Psychology Benefits Society. Retrieved from http://psychologybenefits.org/2014/02/07/anti-lgbt-microaggressions/
Nigatu, H. (2014, February 19). 19 LGBT microaggressions you hear on a daily basis. Retrieved from http://www.buzzfeed.com/hnigatu/19-lgbt-microaggressions-you-hear-on-a-daily-basis#.jlMjJW9EM
PFLAG. (2015) What if someone tells you they’re gay? Retrieved from http://www.stayclose.org/why/whatif.asp
Ugwu, R. (2014, September 9). 10 Questions it’s never okay to ask a transgender person. Retrieved from http://www.buzzfeed.com/reggieugwu/which-bathroom-do-you-use#.xq802Wvlp
Heffernan, D. (2015, November 14). GLAAD launches trans microaggressions photo project #transwk. Retrieved from http://www.glaad.org/blog/glaad-launches-trans-microaggressions-photo-project-transwk
John Oliver Tonight. (2015, June 29). Last week tonight with john oliver transgender rights HBO. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuvg3j_D6zA
Labelle, S. (2015, January 5). Assigned male: Calling a trans person by their birth name. Retrieved from http://assignedmale.tumblr.com/post/107198250867/trans-people-shouldnt-have-to-get-over-being
Middlebury College. (n.d.) FAQ: Gender Pronouns. Retrieved from http://www.middlebury.edu/studentlife/diversity/preferredname/pronounsfaq
Nadal, K., PhD. (2014, February 7). Stop saying “that’s so gay!”: 6 types of microaggressions that harm LGBTQ people. Psychology Benefits Society. Retrieved from http://psychologybenefits.org/2014/02/07/anti-lgbt-microaggressions/
Nigatu, H. (2014, February 19). 19 LGBT microaggressions you hear on a daily basis. Retrieved from http://www.buzzfeed.com/hnigatu/19-lgbt-microaggressions-you-hear-on-a-daily-basis#.jlMjJW9EM
PFLAG. (2015) What if someone tells you they’re gay? Retrieved from http://www.stayclose.org/why/whatif.asp
Ugwu, R. (2014, September 9). 10 Questions it’s never okay to ask a transgender person. Retrieved from http://www.buzzfeed.com/reggieugwu/which-bathroom-do-you-use#.xq802Wvlp